Monday, February 06, 2012

Why clowns can’t cry.


I know a clown who does balance on the world like it is one happy joke. Everywhere is a circus. She juggle words…shiny like tinsel…soft like marshmallows…giggly, childish puns…bursting pop like balloons, and toot-toot-loud like party horns…words that make she  family and friends laugh and say, Ohhh you so sillyyyy.

Is a nice feeling, y’see, making people laugh.

But then, in mid-January, the clown stumble upon two words that been twinkling in the shadows, waiting, like the sharp teeth of Mr. Wolf.

Carcinoma.

Malignant.

The report for the lumpectomy on mammy state them in stark black ink.  

Then the doctor drop more words on the mammy of the clown. “I’m sorry to have to tell you,” he say, “but you have breast cancer.”

Not that the clown didn’t suspect all along. She did read the radiologist report in December, she ain’t a fool though she family does think so sometimes.

How do you want people to be around you, mammy?” the clown ask.

“I want people to be cheerful. Not gloomy and depressing,” mammy say.



I know what mammy mean. When people act panicky and scared, it does affect the sense of healing. Even if the news is bad, give it in a calm manner…this does help a body assimilate the information easier.




The clown keep on she happy face ‘til mammy go overseas for healing. But even now, with mammy over there, when the clown can release all she tears, the clown still don’t.

She cry yes, but as soon as she begin to feel as if she gon drown, she stop them tears, turn them into salt blocks and shove them in she head, into she heart. She know that if she let them rush like ocean, they gon wash away every bit of colour, and there gon be no more paint for the bright smile she need to wear. And the ball she balance on gon dissolve.

Every morning then, without fail, the clown put on she joie de vivre and tumble out.

17 comments:

john.g. said...

Fingers heavily crossed! xxx

Pat said...

((((((hugs))))))) and prayers.

Guyanesesista said...

Awwwwww **sniff sniff**. Everything will be ok. Your mom is in my prayers.

Guyanesesista.blogspot.com

dinahmow said...

The clown got plenty support in the ether.
Go well,GG.

Kim Ayres said...

Clowns are allowed to hug though?

((hugs))

Anonymous said...

Guyana-Gyal, I always thought your mom sounded like a wise, all-knowing powerhouse. But I guess even they have their downtime and are in need of repair sometimes. I hope she and you are going to come out the other side of this okay. I'm thinking of you.

Rosaliene Bacchus said...

I so sorry to hear the news about your mammy. I did know something was wrong when I did check for my weekly dose a laughter and not see nothing.

You need to be strong for your mammy. A time going come when your tears going buoy you up.

I praying with you that everything go good for your mammy.

cadiz12 said...

oh no. I am so very sorry, gg.

unfortunately, i know this clown song and dance all too well. i'm very glad to hear she's getting some healing. sending you both some very very positive vibes across the miles.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Cadiz, I suspect you're like me when things go wrong, trying to stay positive, crying like mad
inside :-) Thanks for your kind words.

Rosaliene, thank you for the prayers, thank you. I'm staying strong...if I don't, I will feel even worse.

Hi Anonymous, yes, she's wise, so many people turn to her for advise and help.

Kim, yes! Clowns can hug ((( ))) That's made me smile.

Dinahmow, yay for the support.

Guyanesesista, your prayers are received with deep gratitude.

Pat, you won't believe how much all this helps, thank you!

JohnG, x x x :-)

Zoe said...

GG, I was afraid to be the first to comment when I saw this last night, but my heart and positive thoughts go out to you both. You both need to be strong and keep up the happiness as much as is possible.

Big hugs xxxx

Stephen Bess said...

GG, I've already prayed for your mom. That's a lot of prayers going up. God bless you and your family.

Lee said...

Good wishes to you both, GG.

Daddy Papersurfer said...

... and hugs from me to you and Mammy ... and a sneaky 'x'

Guyanesesista said...

Hi By the way, I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award.


http://guyanesesista.blogspot.com/2012/02/first-award-versatile-blogger-yay-me.html

Guyana-Gyal said...

Wow, thank you Guyanesesista, I needed a lift to my spirits [and ego, haha].

Daddy, hugs back and a big, non-sneaky *mwah*.

Lee, thank you, I'm trying not to stress.

Stephen, you are so very kind. My family and I appreciate!

Zoe, I don't tell her how worried I am here otherwise she'll feel sad. Thank you for the positive thoughts x x

Jihan said...

omg my heart goes out to you, will keep her in my prayers. My mom always says sickness is a test from God. My mom is always sick, it's become a way of life for me.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Jihan, thank you so much for your prayers. I feel it for you too, for your mother. Families tend to suffer , almost fall apart when a loved one gets sick, don't they? Gotta have faith!