Friday, February 25, 2011

Green coffee porn.

Young Woman don’t have a computer for all kind o’ reasons…not enough income to afford one, living in a’ area that don’t have telephone lines, and wireless prices is way above the sky.

But anyway, people with lower income shouldn’t have computers. I hear how somebody write to the newpapers to explain why. Po’ people shouldn’t have computers and access to the Internet at home ‘cause they gon want to look at porn.

“G, you can check out something for me on the Internet?” Young Woman ask me. This was before the porn letter to the papers otherwise I coulda tremble with worry, eh? “Me friend tell me how she lose weight drinkin’ green coffee, and when I tell me husband about it and how me friend lose weight, he say nah, nah, ask G. to look it up first before you try it.”

Green coffee is the hottest thing in town these days. Everybody and he wife is into it. Eat pizza, fry chicken an’ chips every Friday night, swallow soff drinks load-up with sugar. Orgy-out on plate-loads o’ mutton curry, chicken curry with oil and fat with roti that grease you’ palms more than bribe, and afterwards, take in the thick, sweet, mittai and sirnii or parsad cook with ghee that coat you insides with cholesterol…but don’t worry if you grow bigger than a mampy. You can drink green coffee and lose weight. Modern karma, man, modern karma. Ancient one ain’t never been like this.

Man, look, I had a field day oogling. Link after link after link I click.

“It just like green tea, it got something in it that speed up you’ metabolic rate and make you lose weight. Only tea got half the caffeine that coffee got. Drink one cup a day, they say. If you over-do it and drink too much, or if you got problems with caffeine, you can have all kinda side effects.You get restless, you feel scratchety, you can’t sleep, you start to tremble, you get heart palpitations, nausea, and some other things. If you pregnant, got high pressure, diabetes or heart problems, you shouldn’t take it.”

“Me friend say she can’t sleep when she drink it.”

“How much cup she drink?”

She hold up one finger.

“When?”

“In the morning.”

“And she can’t sleep at night?”

Nod.

“She better stop drink it then.”

“I tell she!”

I think I might check out what does happen to people who lose too much sleep at nights, man, this Internet thing sho’ is fun but ‘cause I ain’t po’ I don’t check out porn.

9 comments:

Kim Ayres said...

Truly wonderful :)

kwesi said...

lol. iv never heard of this green coffee thing.

kfm said...

hahaaaa....hehee...oh me laaawwwd!..i didnt know bout the coffee, i knew about the green tea, i want to lose bout 10 more labs, maybe I should use it seeing that I am up late because of work..hahaaa

Pat said...

Our ex Home Secretary's husband was checking out porn and charging us for it on expenses. And he 'aint po':)

Guyana-Gyal said...

Pat, my goodness!
I'm trying real hard to figure out how he managed to make others pay.

KFM, too much caffeine...not good. I drink at least one cup of green tea, mmmm, so refreshing. It smell like cigrit paper, haha.

Kwesi, you mean you don't watch Joel Gansham on Channel 69? :-D
Everybody's talkin' 'bout green coffee when all along, there was green tea. Green coffee is in Nigel's Supermarket too.

Aww, Kim, you're too kind :-)

WizzyTheStick said...

First I heard of this green coffee. My dad swears by a chinese herbal blend - who the heck knows what is in it there is no English anywhere in the box.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Wizzy, I bet it says, "Haha, look at all these non-Chinese speakers, how we're conning them, this is just ordinary bush but we can sell them anything and they won't know hahateeheeheee".

Hayden said...

I usta' try all that stuff. Then my heart would pound, I'd clench my teeth and be so wired up I'd get cranky and couldn't think straight. no more! nothing good can come of abusing your body like that!

Guyana-Gyal said...

Hayden, I drink green tea, not to lose weight, I just love tea. But even that I don't abuse. One cup or two a day, and certainly not before bed. Caffeine is caffeine is caffeine!
I agree, to lose weight that way is not good.