Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Thou shall not covet...

“There's an alligator in my drain,” Neighbour greet me as we meet on the way home from early-morning walk.

The sun musta get to she already, I think. But is too soon. Musta been the sea breeze then. That is why I don’t walk on the seawall, you don’t know what crazy wind can blow wild thoughts into a’ England-educated head. Me? I gon stick to walkin’ in civilized neighbourhoods like the one where the maid tell me that that hotel-size house under construction belong to a businessman ‘oo ‘ave plenty ‘ooman and plenty chil’ren and he does make houses for all o’ them.

“You’re joking,” I say to Neighbour. A funny li’l feeling creep into me heart. I ignore it. “Where would it come from?”

I peep into the narrow drain that wind it way around houses all over town, kerrying sewerage from homes big and small, shacks and mansions, proof of the equality of man, into canals then into the ocean. In the drain, unions and unions of small guppie fish flick back and forth, cleaning the water instead of City Council. (Don’t know what gon clean up City Council.)

“Nahh man, alligators can’t live in there, it is too small,” I protest.

“Yes! There is one there. Both my gardener and my maid have heard it splashing. My husband too. We all thought it was a big fish. Then my gardener saw it. And the other day, I peeked and saw its eyes and snout.”

Neighbour reach she gate and I turn into mine across the road. “You should make it your pal and call it Al,” I holler.

Neighbour laugh like she couldn’t care two fish-bone, but she don’t fool me, I bet you she’s excited.

Ow man, If I had a’ gator, I would train it to ketch the neem leaf thief, I would name it…Ali Ba...Ali Ga...

"Maybe you can call it Ali Gaga,” I holler.

Neighbour laugh like she don’t care, but I know better, I bet you as soon as she go into she house, she gon draw up blue-print for castle and moat for Ali.

I pelt upstairs. “Mummy, guess what! Neighbour got a ‘gator in she drain!”

“Aww, must be a houri,” my mother say. “If you don’t see it too good, you can mistake a houri for a small alligator.”

Why my mother is so dismissive, eh? Trying to convince me that Ali Gaga is one o’ them fish with snout and sharp teeth, booo.

“Mummy, you’re jealous!”

“Hmmh? Why?”

“Why? Why not? Who wouldn’t want a’ alligator for a pet?”

“If is a baby alligator, that mean the mother is nearby, she got a nest somewhere and she gon be cross. Besides, I grow up with alligator, I see so much o’ them all me childhood.”

See? I tell you…jealous, ain’t nothin’ but the truth, other people got the creatures of she childhood.

Sigh. I hop into me bathroom and glare at the silly, insignificant, non-important, trivial, tiny, miniscule, li’l lizard that does watch decent people as they bathe, it must be very dirty, it been in there for days.

20 comments:

LDahl said...

How about Ali Ba Bagator? I stayed in a place in Florida once that had a log in the pond... one morning I figured out it wasn't a log...time to go home to Kansas!!!!! Yep!

Kaya said...

I love yuh style, gyal... True, True

Hayden said...

Taking it out on that poor little lizard! There he sits, doing his job, making sure there are no bugs around. And you bad mouthing him because he's not big like his brother!

I was traveling on business to Florida once, stayed in a very fancy hotel with a golf course. It was so pretty I decided to take a stroll around in the evening after work. I mentioned it to the waiter later and his eyes popped right out. "oh no, you can't DO that! Alligators! In the evening when you can't see.... oh, no, that's a very bad idea!"

Pat said...

Once in Cairns (Australia) we were going out to dinner - walking as the restaurant was just round the corner - when we were deluged with an almighty cloud burst. All the gunnels were awash with rivers and I was convinced we were surrounded by crocs gushing out of the drains.
Darkness was falling.
We didn't actually see one but i know they were there.

john.g. said...

Mind that insignificant, miniscule lizard doesn't bite you on the........

Lee said...

How about Ali G?

Also, some photos for you, GG: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=287594&id=689302058&l=49362ef142

Hope the link works. Scroll through - I did indeed say hello to Gaudi's mosaics for you. I found those two blue fish too.

Jdid said...

ali who? not me an dem gyal

Anonymous said...

GG

I had alligator tail in Florida once and it tasted like chicken. YUM YUM

Maybe the lizard is hiding from the alligator. I think a lot of "people" would like to trade places with that li'l lizard:)))

BTW I used to have a little alligator as a pet when I lived in P/Nagar then one day it escaped. His name was Burnham.

Exotic Gyal

Guyana-Gyal said...

Exotic Gyal, you lie...tell me is not true, alligator as a pet? Name what? HAHAHAHAHA. You have the wildest experiences with wild animals.
I've heard about gators tasting like chicken...must be all them chickens what them thief and eat.
That bathroom lizard is dirty, he's getting darker.

Jdid, think of the possibilities...think...you can have a show, get famous, travel the world...

Lee, Ali G is perfect.
Ooh, Barcelona. You should see me grinning like a child at Christmas.
I almost feel as though I'm there, and that the two blue fish know me too.
Maybe the spirit of Gaudi will now motivate me.
That lizard's much nicer than my bathroom one, by the way.
The Peeping Tom wall [probably not the work of Gaudi] is wonderful.

JohnG, my big toe is well protected, don't worry. [Isn't that where komodo dragons like to bite people? On their big toe?]

Pat, it's the SNAKES you should've worried about. And those biting spiders aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Hayden, I've nevah seen a gatah in Floridah, nevah, nevah. The man must've been teasing you, like the park ranger was teasing us about snakes.
The lizard in my bathroom is a perv.

Kaya, I just had a peek on your blog, it's great to see someone appreciating life the way you're doing right now, and writing strong. I don't know where that mountain is, but any time on a mountain is bliss. Don't stop doing that. Nature heals.

LDahl, imagine, you're afraid of a little piece of floating wood...and Kansas has biiiiiig wind that blew Dorothy away :-)
Speaking of floating wood, did you hear about the floating wood that made them close down a beach somewhere in France? Someone thought it was an alligator.

kwesi said...

went to school in the country and alligators (caimans) were a regular. Used to see a lot when we "borrowed" the farmers' boats to go pick fruits in the backdam.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Kwesi, I bet the farmers wished many alligators upon all you young scamps. Where was this? Essequibo? Berbice? Mahaicony?

Hayden said...

no, really, GG - they do have gators in Florida. Honest! I've actually seen them... go play in the Everglades, and they're easy to find!

CG said...

Where I lived on the Essequibo coast, day or night, alligators were not an uncommon sight. Driving in the night there were loads of them in the trenches on either sided of the road They had lovely pink eyes that shun in the night lights. Once I even held the tail of a juvenile one. He was a frisky one! Growing up in the country was a priceless experience.

Guyana-Gyal said...

CG, I've never heard about the 'lovely pink eyes', that's a new one. Conjunctivitis.

Hayden, haha, I know...I should've told you that I was doing that thing Guyanese folks love to do, that drives me NUTS. If they don't see something, then it doesn't exist.

Hayden said...

roaring with laughter over "conjunctivitis"......

;-)

DaveM said...

Can alligators come into the house via the toilet?

Guyana-Gyal said...

DaveM, I, hope not.

I've thought of snakes doing that.
Yikes. The loo will never be the same now.

Hayden, if you think that's bad, check out DaveM's question.

Mr. Nighttime said...

I remember the rumors growing up about how there were alligators in the sewers of New York City. Now, I never saw one personally, but it's amazing some of the sounds that would be coming out of the sewer gratings in my neighborhood in the Bronx. I could never tell if they were gators, or the victims of the mafia hit men... ;-)

Guyana-Gyal said...

Mr. N, I think they're RATS. GIANT RATS.
How are you? Are you okay? I've checked your blog a couple of times and wish I knew what to say to cheer you.

kwesi said...

golden grove.