Thursday, January 03, 2008

A (euphemistic) tale from the abattoir.

Annie visit we the other night. After she drink homemade ginger beer, gyaff (chat) li’l bit and gone I remember the time, about a month ago, when she been to the bloody-stink and filthy abattoir. ‘Abattoir’, by the way, is Guyanese-euphemism for ‘slaughter house’. Now what a nice gyal like Annie been doing in a place like that ain’t the point. The point is the conversation she overhear there.

A woman at the abattoir been telling another woman about one o’ them herbal doctors night show on local tee vee.


A man phone Herbal Doctor on the tee vee show. The man complain that he pencil does break too soon when a woman sharpen it. But when he masticate the pencil it don't break too soon.

“Is your pencil too short?” Herbal Doctor ask.

Of course, the man deny this with great belligerence. "No! No! My pencil is not too short! It is not short at all!!!"

When the woman in the abattoir done relay this tee vee show to she friend, the friend say, "He does masticate he pencil? He gon go blind. I read it in a book."

I ain’t know the point to this tale at all…

18 comments:

geoffreyphilp101@gmail.com said...

This sounds like a story of man who used to chew on pencils, rubber and all, and end up with a bad case of lead poisoning.

He didn't mind though. He could write for hours on end, his point was always sharp, and his handwriting bold.

cadiz12 said...

perhaps i've been spending too much time with my brother and his college-age friends, but for some reason this sounds like a euphemism.

but i think chewing on writing utensils is gross.

Robin said...

Women are so much better at sharpening pencils I've found

Guyana-Gyal said...

Robin, the man who phoned the herbal doctor will envy you.

Euphemism, Cadiz? Whatever made you think that?

Did he go blind, Geoffrey? Oh, I now know the point of this tale...it was lead poisoning that was the undoing of the Roman Empire, not the orgies.

Jdid said...

what wrong wid dat man doah. he aint know dat nuhbody doan use sharpener nuhmore now we got mechanical pencil. if de point brek ya jus push push two time an it back pointy pointy in two seconds.

oh wait you mean he pencil not he pencil! oh i follow ya now :-)

CG said...

The moral of the story is, women should stay away from masticating pencils. It's a man's job.

Anonymous said...

oh me modda...dat too funny. I hear is true...masticating can cause blindness...ask any granny in the streets if is not true.

A mechanical pencil is a good way to go too...but better yet.... WHY do we need pencils when we got GEL pens anyway...girls dont need pencils now. Pencils can cause lead poisoning. Many of my girl friends/cousins believe in the wonders of GEL pens.

Hayden said...

laughed myself silly over this one!

GG - will you share your recipe for ginger beer?

Cream said...

Sounds like a eu-feminism joke!
Hilarious, Gigi.
This guy should masticate carrots.
He won't go blind...
On the contrary, he'll be able to find his little pencil in the dark.

sablonneuse said...

That story made me laugh and then the comments made me giggle again.

Guyana-Gyal said...

What I can't get over is the question the 'doctor' asked the man. As if the man would say yes, on national tv!

Louis-Fran├žois Pilard said...

Let's leave our blunt pencils alone.

Guyana-Gyal said...

What would the women in the abattoir talk about then, Louis?

Pitirre said...

All you is wrong. This is really GG's euphemism for the mighty pencil.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

The pencil is mightier than the pork sword.

PI said...

Couldn't masicating pencils give you lead poisoning?

Guyana-Gyal said...

I dunno Pat, according to the woman in the abattoir it only makes you go blind.

Daphne, I guess this knowledge will put the lead in a lot of pencils now.

Hello Pitirre, welcome. I think the Mighty Pencil should work for our local Herb Doctor.

Michelle said...

I'm still laughing...

In Africa I met a man who once found a lost purse... inside it was a dried "pencil" that the lady owner kept to stir her husband's tea... Medicine man gave it to her to keep her own hubby's pencil nice and strong.

My friend never asked if the dried one was a willing donation or...
:-\

I so do not want to think about drinking tea stirred that way! :-X