Tuesday, October 23, 2007

If ants belch, they want to know!

The trouble with my cousin Lis is that she does doubt the things I tell she. Like a coupla weeks ago when I email she about a dead chicken hawk hanging on the wire - Guyanese people Abroad so home sick they does crave every juicy detail about things happening here. If ants belch, they need to know what decibel, they want to know what them ants eat to make them gassy. So I describe, via email, the dead chicken hawk to Lis.

“It hanging on the electric wire in front o’ them people house next door. He hanging by one wing, he look like he fry dry, dry. He eyes shet, he beak and head point up to salvation, he legs stick out stiff and straight, he toes pointing downwards to hell.”

Lis enjoy every juicy tidbit. I had to do a Dead Chicken Hawk Watch, give she day-to-day descriptions. Then she ask for photo. As proof. I ignore that morbid request. So (once again) she call me a Pathological Liar. Years ago, she stick that name to me because of the massive padlock.

One day, years ago, when Lis been here, I unlock the humongous, foot-crusher padlock on we grill door to let she in. She double over with laugh, then unfold sheself long enough to ask, “Whe you get that thing from?”

“We buy it at a garage sale that the Georgetown prison had.” I got to admit, that was a lie, I couldn’t help it, the wicked angel on me left shoulder made me do it. Like the time I tell my sister, living Abroad, that Brian Adams coming to perform in Guyana. My sister, a Bryan Adams fan, nearly wee sheself with excitement. Later on I admit to me sis that it wasn’t true. But Lis never know about that one...so, technically speaking, she does doubt me forever because of the one padlock lie.

“I see Prince Charles on Friday night,” I tell she yesterday at the end of a long email.

She fire back, “Where and HOW you see Prince Charles? If he was good looking I'd say it was in your dreams but I know he not cute so weh you see he??? Stchuusp you like to tell lies! You see Prince Charles. WEH??? Eh Eh? WEH???”

You and she might doubt me, but I am here to tell you, I see Prince Charles, the Bonny Prince, on Friday night.

Unfortunately, like Cinderella I got dishes to do and I can’t sit around waiting for no prince to do them for me…so later croc-agators...


CG said...

Fry Chicken hawk, now that is a funny picture. Here I see tennis shoes, straps tied together draped over the wires. Not as exciting as chicken hawks. Gyal u mus stop tellin dem lies, even me believe yu.

Louis-François Pilard said...

Exactly what I was going to say: here in Guiana, pairs of soccer shoes tied together hanging from electric wires.
Doubt entails lie.
In a while, alligadile.

sablonneuse said...

Love your wicked sense of humour G-G.

LDahl said...

...who's lying? Bet you seen him on TV...I see him all the time at the grocery. On the covers of sleazy magazines! Heheh!

Oh, I added you to the Rat Pack, hope you don't mind.

PI said...

GG: I'm so relieved to hear about that wicked angel on your left shoulder because I get into trouble when I open my mouth and stuff comes out unbidden. It's that pesky angel's fault. Nothin' to do with me. Phew! that's a relief.

granny p said...

Truth stranger than fiction, fiction stranger than truth, mix them up in your inimitable way, GG and why should we mind?

Terri Nan said...

Ha! I saw him too at the première of the video "Iwokrama, the Untold Story".


cadiz12 said...

dang dishes. always getting in the way!

Guyana-Gyal said...

Hello Teri Nan, welcome, I hope the film was inspiring for you :-)

But Granny, I don't lie...well, kinda, sorta...sometimes I have to stretch the truth for those Guyanese folks Abroad.

Exactly Pat. In fact, the next time, you point to your left shoulder and say, It's his fault!

Idahl, you're pretty close, he's the rainforest prince, did you know that? Thanks for the link...I'm one laaazy blugger, I've had a list of links to add for aaaages, Valgalart and yours and Zooms in Grenada and...sigh...

It's not me Sab, it's that wicked angel on my left shoulder ;-D

Louis, CG, them shoes got wings.

Yes Cadiz, once again, it's dem dang dishes, keeping me from telling the troot.

kfm said...

ah bai name BRYAN and he buuuuuday is nex mont.....an weeee boooonnniee charles nah deh deh...he deh in hengland wih carmilla....

me neva see dead bud pun wiyah yet...oh raaaassss-ta....me see shoes, tennis baaalllsss, wan t-shut, bud nes...but nah de bud dem...eh-eh...me ah tek dah wan dah wid wan pinch a sal...

zooms said...

You lie gyal, or you bin kissin dat crappo. Prince Charles from foreign? Nah, he not Bonny.

Zinnia Cyclamen said...

Truth and lies are not so separate for storytellers. Stories are for making sense; that's a different dimension. There is a traditional oral storytelling opening/closing rhyme that I often think of when I read your posts. Maybe you know it. It goes:

The dreamer awakes
The shadow goes by
I tell you a tale
The tale is a lie.
But ponder it well
Fair maiden, good youth,
The tale is a lie -
What it tells is the truth.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Zin, I send you many, many hugs for this. I think you'd like Rabindranath Tagore's short story about why children need to hear stories. If I ever find it I will post that link.

Ahhh Zooms, the rainforest people love him, for good reason too.

KFM, note...I have 2 spellings of Brian / Bryan Adams just in case. Aiyee, I'm your SISTER, your own flesh and blood and you doubt me about the bird? Boooooo.

Olivia said...

Silly me, I read this to my mother last night and we had a proper giggle, and I forgot to comment.

I love your stories and the way you do the Guyanese!

Mad Bull said...

You see Prince Charles? Weh? Eh eh! Weh?

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