Monday, November 20, 2006

Houses don’t feel.

Sun drifting to down under in shades o’ rainy-gray. Normally she leave here in layers of pink…no bright gashes of crimson and slashes of orange…though one or two lucky evenings in the year we see she flashing out with crimson and gold.

Music playing - castanet clicking one two, one two between steel pan tapping low with soft guitar.

This evening the ol’ house feel melancholic.

But oh, stupid me, houses can’t feel sad. Or dull.

Houses can’t feel. Houses can’t miss people.

Brother gone back to England on Saturday, now is just me and me ma again.

This afternoon, just before the sun set, we sit in the verandah, me and me ma, reminiscing about all them things brother, son, tell we.

Had me rolling with laugh on the floor one night, fulling up we ears with England experiences. I hoot ‘til me back and belly hurt. He outrageous, irreverent, got a sharp way o’ reading people’s character. Very proper English boss tell he that in all the thirty years she work in that office she never meet anybody as mad as he.

Now the house feel dull. Damn, stupid house, always brooding after siblings visit and leave.

I don’t think people here recover yet from the splintering of families, from massive migration. We tear away from old lands to here, from here to new lands, and them tears still burning.

“Long ago,” my mother say in the verandah this afternoon, “When people just start to migrate, busloads o’ families and friends used to go to the airport to say ‘bye to the one leaving. They used to carry drum, accordion, pots o’ food…travelling used to take hours then. They play music and sing all the way to the airport. But when they say ‘bye, if you hear holler. Them mothers, grandmothers and sisters, even fathers, used to wail. They didn’t know when they gon see the son or daughter again.”

Well, we ain’t wail on Saturday gone, we know we seeing family again, times change, planes fly faster.

I just wish this house would stop feeling so damn melancholic today.

But oh stupid me, houses don't feel.

22 comments:

cadiz12 said...

i think they can. they just can't express it.

did you ever read that book "the giving tree" by shel silverstein?

apprentice said...

Aw sorry your brother has gone.
House must feel very quiet and therefore sad.

Planes are fast but it still leaves a big old gap in the heart.

Hug to you and your Mum GG.

Ale said...

houses do feel- they feel the mood of the people who live in them..

cheer up! as long as he is happy i'm sure it makes you happy for him :)

Anna said...

Awwwwwwww. There's a lot of you in your brother, you know:

"He outrageous... got a sharp way o’ reading people’s character..."

I'm sure he misses you a lot too.

Hayden said...

houses can be heavy with feelings pent up, kept in the cupboard, unspent.

here in the US most folks never build up enough expectation of staying in one place to get that bad-good feeling. we all just keep moving, always so far from home we don't even know how to name it.

beenzzz said...

I think you house feel what you and your ma feelin'. Those tears that burn still burning my tail. I understand. You know GG, you should hop on a plane and go visit your brother soon. Take you ma too.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Y'know Beenzzz, it struck me yesterday that many Guyanese still grieve...even though we've moved on, we're all doing well, being happy, yet we still haven't healed from families breaking up.

Hayden, I sometimes think there's the now America...and there's the Norman Rockwell America.

Anna, if only I can be half as outrageous and irreverent as him! Oh joy :-D

I've wondered about houses, Ale...ever walked into a home and felt its 'vibes'?

Thank you, Apprentice :-)

Cadiz, I just googled that book. I want it, I want it, I want it!!!

Caroline said...

Have you ever done a journey to visit the spirit of your house?

I have. (Not yours - mine!)

Of course how you feel and how the house feels may not be the same but there are energies interacting.

The Romans used to have household Gods - they recognised the energies of places.

ML said...

GG - your house feels! It picks up every emotion and vibe from the family who live there. Sorry you missing your brother. It leave such a hollow feeling when they leave.

The Boy said...

Personally I think emotions have a physical manifestation. How many times have you walked into a space and felt happy, sad, melancholic? Its all there, seeped from the people to the posts and beams.

DaveM said...

Houses do have a feel about them, you know when you go into a house if its a happy or sad place. Even though your brother has left I bet he is good at keeping in touch with his family. I guess he will miss you all as well.

Stephen Bess said...

This was a very good post. Family is really a blessing. A house is nothing but a shell clay and wood until you put life into it. Your brother is part of that living force and I'm sure that he is missed a great deal when his portion of the force leaves.

Stephen Bess said...

...Oh, I love the way you write and express yourself!

Guyana-Gyal said...

Thank you, Stephen. I like that...about life force in the home...will think about it some more...

Davem, I was thinking that we do a thing called 'transference', that is, transfer our feelings onto things. Then I read what Stephen said...and Caroline.

Caroline, The Boy, ML...I just remembered...do you know about jinns? We believe they exist though we can't see them. I wonder if it's their feelings that are in a house?

Zinnia Cyclamen said...

(((((hug)))))

Aunty Marianne said...

Buildings feel everything. When I walk into a big cathedral here, I hug a pillar, close my eyes and FEEL it telling me about the weddings and funerals and generations of people it has seen.

If it can be of any reassurance, a recent study of Italian immigrants to the USA in the late 1800s early 1900s showed that a surprising number of them did return to Italy later. They brought home their earnings, too.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Aunty, do you hug trees? I have a feeling you do! I want to, but folks here already think I'm mad enough...oh what the heck, I should just do it. I'd love if all my family came back home, and started wonderful businesses.

Thank you Zin xx

Mary said...

I think Stephen is right. I like what he said.

Ever since my father died and then my mother moved we are like a family adrift. My father must have been the one that kept us together (though I don't know how). We never all come together at the same time and every year someone becomes more and more distant. Very sad. I don't understand it.

Roy C said...

GG - I felt that way too as one after another left until it was my turn, never will be the same, we all over the place UK,US,Canada. I remember my brother who left at 13 years old to go to school in Uk and returning first time as adult...could'nt understand a word he said with his english accent.
Sunday i am going to an Uitvlugt reunion here in Toronto, hope to meet lots of people from the village. Take care.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Hello Roy C, thanks for visiting, I'm always so happy when Guyanese abroad comment here. Say hello to all Uitvlugt folks on Sunday, from Guyana.

Mary, that was sad to read...it made me think about family...how hard it is to like some relatives, the mean ones, they are the ones I don't keep in touch with. But the ones I care about, I phone or email.

granny p said...

Of course houses have feelings. I've been in ones that are nice, neutral, horrible. As for distances in families - even though emigration used to be more economic necessity than mine is, it still hurts to be separated. Hope you see your brother soon. xx (And thanks for putting me on your blogroll too.)

Olivia said...

Awww poor Gyal. As soon as I saw "melancholic" I knew he had left.

But look, what a lovely time you had, I especially like the fact that you laughed so hard :)