Monday, October 30, 2006

The Mighty G roars again

Not the farts of a thousand cows, not the hot air of a hundred furious politicians can smell this noxious; not the braying of tens of union leaders on one podium can sound this offensive.

Today the Mighty G gobble up the peace, suck up the fuel and belch out carbon monoxide with one explosive Gggbubububbbggraw, punching three new holes in the ozone layer.

The Mighty Generator sit squat in a square concrete shed in the Foreignam woman yard next door...but not next to she bedroom...no no...the Mighty G push he way close, close to we fence, close, close to my bedroom and this room where I write.

When the power get cut off, even if the blackout last only two minutes, even if the Foreignam woman not at home, she security guard get strict instructions to let the Mighty G do he thing. Then the fumes invade we mouth, tinge we tongue with a bitter taste; the carbon puff around to the back of we house, fly into we kitchen.

And long, long after the power come back, the Mighty G still roaring. I shout for the Foreignam woman security guard to switch off, but he too deaf. Today, the Mighty G holler on one hour after the power trips on back.

About six months ago, when we been getting a lot o' little powercuts, my mother phone the landlord of the Foreignam woman.

"Hello, Mr. Ismael, salam...I am phoning to tell you about..." She air we grievances in the polite manner of a well brought-up woman, and she tell he about them quiet generators that don't fart with great aggression, that don't belch carbon monoxide into other people homes.

"Oh, salam, salam," Mr. Ismael say and listen to my ma. "Oh, I am sorry, I am sorry. But I can't afford to buy one of those." Mr. Ismael rent homes to many, many foreigners who work for international organisations, and he got one o' the best lawyers around town. Maybe poor, poor Mr. Ismael don't collect no rent, maybe he give his houses free to them foreigners, uh-huh.

Fortunately, the power cuts end and we forget all about the Mighty G.

Then suddenly, recently, them power cuts come back, lasting sometimes ten minutes, fifteen minutes, and sometimes four hours. I phone the electricity company to find out why; they say it is a 'line fault'. I read in the newspapers that shitizens stealing the wires of the electricity and telephone and water companies to sell to scrap metal dealers, causing great disruption. The law gon deal with them and the buyers soon, the news say.

But what about the Mighty G contributin' to noise pollution and to gases in the atmosphere? What law gon deal with owners of all them obnoxious Mighty G's?

Today, my mother had to go into town to do some business.

"Oh man, I goin’ with you," I announce.

Yes, thanks to the Mighty G I had to flee, thoughts of revenge sweetening me bitter head - play music loud at 1 a.m. when the Foreignam woman sleeping; put sugar down the funnel of the Mighty G; bribe the dominoes-playing neighbours in the house behind to bang they pieces on the board at 2 a.m.

Sob. See how the Mighty G reduce me to the lowest common denominator.

29 comments:

beenzzz said...

GG, I sorry to hear about that confounded Mighty G. I agree that you should get back at her with some noisy concoction of your own. Keep she up whole night and see how she like it. ;)

Dan Flynn said...

I read somewhere that sugar in the fuel tank will bugger up any internal combustion engine, not sure why but you could always sneak out and give it a go. If that doesn't work then, er, I've run out of ideas...

grrr.

Hayden said...

It does seem that noise is not enough, that the noise must be accompanied by horrendous smells piped into her home, preferably poisonous.

sandy said...

Poor GG, drastic times call for drastic measures indeed. We must put our heads together and think of a solution to sweeten and silence the Mighty G.

Isn't it funny how landlords are always so poor, makes you wonder how they manage to buy so much wax for their stretch limos.

In a just world the "shitizens" would be kept in a room with Mighty G.
Hope there is a solution soon GG.

PI said...

Oh GG - I feel for you and Mama. A pox on all Shitizenz - and I know a few!

Mighty Afroditee said...

I does like the domino playin tactic and the suga down the tank. You have uch a nefarious mind (insert evil grin here!

Gela's Words said...

"shitizens"

I like that, hehe.

cadiz12 said...

what goes around, comes around, gg. don't you worry, the mighty g's momma will get hers. but if you help it along a little, i don't think it'd hurt anyone.

DaveM said...

Does it have one of those exhausts [mufflers] that stick up in the air? If it does drop a potatoe or something into it and see what happens next time they try to start it.

If sure you wont do this GG, but sometimes neighbours can be so annoying, inconsiderate, unwilling to compromise that it makes you think of resorting to these tactics. Lets home the electric grid stays strong.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Yes Davem, it has a muffler that sticks up in the air, I'd love to drop a potatoe into it, but sob, you're right, I won't.

I blame her landlord too, Cadiz, he's the one who put up the monster!

OOooh, the shitizens make me mad, Gela. Nobody here talks about civil responsibility, all they do is blame govt.

LOL it's true Afroditee, I got a nefarious mind...

Pat, I could do with a boxful of poxes to send to them ;-D

Speaking of justice, Sandy...I read about one bandit who drowned because the weapons he carried hauled him down into the water. yee hawww.

Hayden! It's you! You have thick, beautiful hair and you're much, much, much younger than I thought.

Dan I want one o' them cats you complain about, y'know the evil ones that you really hate?

Some music that she might hate, Beenzzz, something like Iron Maiden hee hee hee...

Alice said...

Been there, GG - the only thing worse than a neighbor with a loud smelly generator is the fact that you suffer through it in the heat with all your windows open, because the power is off and you don't HAVE a generator.

BEC, they claim, stands for "Bahamas Electricity Corporation." Us Bahamians know it really stands for "Barely Enough Current."

Guyana-Gyal said...

Hello again, Lukku. Bahamas? Barely enough current? Shees, and that's supposed to be a wealthy tourist place :-o

I don't want ever a generator...I keep thinking of what they do to the environment. With all this sun and wind in the Caribbean, we should get sun and wind power, eh?

Zinnia Cyclamen said...

Neighbour noise is so stressful. I haven't experienced a Mighty G but I was almost driven mad by next door's barking dog the last place I lived, it used to bark solidly for two hours at a time when left alone in the house, its owner refused to deal with the problem, it was a nightmare so I really feel for you. And at least I didn't have the carbon monoxide problem (although my next door neighbours in this house have chickens right up by the house... and they never clean them out... yech).

Damian said...

The landlord probably can't afford a new generator because of his expensive lawyer's fees.

Maybe next time there is a power cut you should invite your neighbour over for coffee and a piece of cake, with white icing.

Sit her down by the window near the generator, and rest her cake plate on he window sill.

Make sure she eats all that cake and she will solve the problem herself.

ML said...

gg - I'm so sorry about dat blasted Mighty G. I fully support you in the destruction of dah ting!

Scratchie said...

Mash it up I say...mash it up. The sugar idea sounds good.

Stephen Bess said...

LOL! That was a funny little story. I've never been confronted with that problem, but I know it would drive me insane. :)

Kat Campbell said...

GG - OMG a running generator would have me pulling my hair out! Tape the noise and then call the landlord at all hours of the day and night and play the tape. What a jerk, we have those kinds of slumlords around here too.

Jihan said...

Your blog is so entertainging I feel like cryin and laughing at the same time lol...It makes me miss Guyana so much
Hope you dont mind me posting some of your stuff on my blog .....

Ale said...

not even the mighty GG can overlook such annoyances- we all have them in our lives, just dont let it get to you and you "win"

Guyana-Gyal said...

Ale, I don't know how to "win" against something that affects my asthma [as in not being able to breathe].

Hello Jihan, welcome to "Guyana" :-) And thanks for the link back.

Hahahaaa Kat, I had the exact same idea, oh boy, I wish I had the nerve to do it.

Insane is not the word, Stephen. I'm a gibbering idiot.

Scratchie, I have to mash it up discreetly...darn guard next door might see me, bleah.

Sigh, ML, I can only pray for no more powercuts.

Hello, hello Damian, welcome...I was peeking at your blog recently. How's the bathroom going? :-D

Zin, I thought there were laws against noisy dogs in England. You mean there aren't? Ewwww chicken poop smells FOUL!

apprentice said...

Maybe you should hot wire your house to that thing too GG, at least you get something out of the racket, ;)

It's to do with the world price of copper, there's a shortage, Chinese are eating it up. Here world famous statues by Moore have been stolen and presumably melted down. On thing for sure this old world is getting crazier!

Olivia said...

Haha, Damian's suggestion of tea and cake by the window is the greatest!

Shitizens, LOL or, more innocently, Shipizens ;)

Mary said...

I don't like the generators either. I'd rather go w/o power. Too noisy!

Quick said...

When I started going to outdoor parties a few of the guys were talking about someone called Jenny as though I should know her. They's say things like "Jenny's in a funny mood tonight" or "It was hard getting Jenny to come along this weekend." I'm glad I didn't ask them who they were talking about. The penny finaly dropped.

Island Spice said...

oh the joys!....... play yuh loud music yes. slap yuh dominoes. Bad neighbours are as evil as long division.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Wahhaaa Island Spice, as evil as long division is eeeeevil.

Quick I have no shame...so i will ask...WHO IS JENNY? Share that dropped penny with me :-D

Mary, Mary, you look quite contrary LOL!!!

How about if I invite the landlord Olivia, let him suffocate in his fumes.

Apprentice, I heard about Moore's statues getting stolen...now it makes me even sadder to think that they're melted down for...what? The value of art goes beyond money.

Quick said...

Jenny is their affectionate term for the generator. Bush parties need large generators, and I think they think that if they personify it and talk about it like it's a friend, it will feel part of the party and cooperate with them :)

Guyana-Gyal said...

Hahaha, stupid me, Quick, I forgot about Austrine: garbage men, garbos, etc, etc. Generator would naturally be...