Monday, July 24, 2006

A letter

Dear Car Manufacturers Abroad,

I notice in them ads on tee vee that when you test you cars you test them in very sterile conditions, in cool, spacious grey rooms and you have air bags and all sorts of unrealistic things.

Well Dear Car Manufacturers Abroad, I challenge you to come and test you cars in Real Life Conditions.

Come to a place what got potholes so huge that even if you gear down into first gear and go slow slow slow, you car rock up so much that all when you go to sleep that night you brain still a-knockin’ and a-shakin’ and you still hear clink clank clunk.

Yes, come to a place where potholes so wide they go on for big stretches ‘til they join up with other potholes. Some potholes so deep you can’t call them potholes, you got to call them cauldron holes.

Huh, talkin’ about holes, I ain’t gon even tell you what ---holes we call them who drive mini-buses and taxis, no no, I can’t tell you, decent people like you might blush.

Dear Car Manufacturers Abroad, if I scare you off from coming here to test you cars, maybe you can send me a car? I gon test it for you.

A nice, zippy BIG red car gon do me just fine…big yes, can’t let it sink and stay in a cauldron hole…send a car with a really good A.C. unit to keep me cool ‘cause the place so hot I seeing mirage all over the place. Yes, mirage…I swear I see traffic lights not working. Not one, not one around town. And I swear I see vine growing on one light. Must be a mirage because the place so hot.

Okay Dear Car Manufacturers Abroad, I await your reply patiently.

Yours,

Thoroughly shook up after driving into town a while ago [my brain still going kadang kadang],

Guyana Gyal.

31 comments:

Kat Campbell said...

Woo-hoo, if those car manufacturers take up your offer, I'll buy the car they design! Have to push it everywhere though, who can afford gas for a car big enough to avoid big pot holes like yours!

Anonymous said...

Hey GG,
looks like the road situation in Guyana has remained the same over the past 15 yrs, maybe it has worsened. i think you need to use those off road 4 wheel drives or perhaps a ute. If you're looking for a BIG RED CAR well i know of a certain aussie kid group called the Wiggles and they have one i'll pass on the word ;-)
- Vegemite on toast

cadiz12 said...

sounds like you need an off-roader, gg.

Gela's Words said...

Gyal, yu tink sey fi unno hole big? come to Jamaica and see de craters dem dat we have. When ah driving on my road alone, is like a playing hopscotch wid de vehicle.

Oh this is funny "you car rock up so much that all when you go to sleep that night you brain still a-knockin’ and a-shakin’ and you still hear clink clank clunk."

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Sounds like Nigeria! In the rainy season you couldn't drive down the street because the potholes filled up with water and you could end up disappearing. Peugeots are supposed to be good in such conditions, higher wheel base or something, if you can't run to a 4x4.

Shyha said...

We don't have good roads here but seems like not as bad as yours! You need a tank girl! :)

DCveR said...

I've got the feeling you may have read some of Vit's comments on our roads around here... still next time I run into a pothole (next time I drive around that is) I'll be happy for not driving in Guyana.

Dr. D. said...

Ja. not much better. I think the mother potholes will soon be spawning...just give the rainy season time to spread the sperm!

The Boy said...

Dear Ms G-G

Thank you for your recent offer of test driving one of our Big US built ultra gas efficient 4x4 vehicles under your local road conditions. We'd like to take you up, we really would. As such I've dispatched a vehicle forth with. It should be with you in only a couple of days. We appreciate your support and look forward to your test results.

Now Guyana... that's in Texas right?

Yours Truly, a Big US Car Executive.

PI said...

Once it was deluging in Portugal and the road split open and a bus half fell in it. No-one was hurt but it was quite a sight.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Pat! You saw that with your own two eyes? Not even here :-o

Dear Boy aka Big US Car Executive, Guyana seems to have fallen into a big pothole. Bring fishing rod.

Dr. D, there must be some way CARICOM can market this thing...potholes for sale...

Did you know that Vit is now Lucy, http://www.lucypepper.com/blogzira Dcver? But still talking about Portugal which seems like here quite often.

Oooh yea, a war tank, Shyha. Do they come in colours? A purple one might be nice.

Nigeria too, Daphne? Shees, it's a wonder those 'princes' who send spam saying they giving away money haven't found a way to sell them via emails.

There's something there in what you say, Gela...dodging potholes...hm...a video game can be developed...hm...

A purple war tank, Cadiz.

The truth is, Vegemite, the roads got fixed, but the potholes were persistent, and came back. Tell the Wiggles I await their offer.

Well Kat, with all this talk about ethanol we don't have to worry about gas. Or we can just get politicians to move the car with hot air.

Ale said...

kadang kadang.. :)

dear car manufacturers abroad making cars for guyanas potholes is like bra designers at Victoria's Secret making bras for REAL boobs... i totally know what you're saying!

Sandy said...

If I were Car Manufacturer GG I say you need a tank! Haha O my what fun you would have! :-)

Shyha said...

and fuel costs :]

bakannal time said...

HAHAHAHA. u kno u aint lie. lol @ gela playin hopscotch wid de vehicle.

DCveR said...

Yup, I've already come across her new blog, but thank you for mentioning it anyway. Her posts, like yours, are one of my addictions! :)

Guyana-Gyal said...

Just had a thought...maybe the potholes help to prevent accidents...the traffic lights aren't working so the potholes keep us from speeding into each other...

Thank you, Dcver :-) Lucy's art is wicked, isn't it?

dawn said...

Wow
Don't get much news from GT these days, but it sounds like the roads are not so great. Of course, in New England where I am, we get frost heaves in the winter that really wreck the roads along with the ploughs. Kdang, I hear ya. Any offers yet from a car Manufacturer? Send it to them. If one responded, that would be something. Dawn

Anna said...

Just don't get stuck!

cream said...

I have a feeling you'll soon be receiving a nice response from Car Manufacturers Abroad...Like:
"Dear Gigi, our cars are made for posh roads not tird world holes like Guyana or Algeria...Go get yourself a horse and cart instead! Yours sincerely, CMA.
PS: Your nice, zippy BIG red car is in the post along with a cheque from the World Bank!"

Raheel said...

lolz!! I can also apply for testing but before it I need to learn how to drive. Karachi has the worst traffic and road conditions. Worse than you described. Secondly, I will like to have stereo too in my car ;)

*~mad munky~* said...

hehe..sounds like the roads in india! ;o)

xx

Guyana-Gyal said...

Magic Monkey...India too?

Hello Raheel, good to see you. How are you doing? So roads in Pakistan are worse? Maybe we should do as Cream says, get horse and cart...but we have those too...

Cream, we have horse and cart too. Oh, oh, how about a big red horse and red cart that poos on the bad drivers!!!

I almost got stuck yesterday, Anna.

Dawn, Dawn, you're giving me ideas. Send this to the manufacturers? Gosh. Maybe I will.

Jdid said...

ha ha ha, we had a calypso by red plastic bag years back bout the potholes in the roads and ya kno what some get better an some even worse

Mary said...

Kadang, kadang! Love it.

'ka said...

omg... you cracked me up...
'cuz it's sooo true :D

larry h. said...

I still see some things haven't changed in Guyana. Well actually they have ... as in BIGGER. And that's a brilliant observation GG to these car makers. Yes, if your car can survive a Guyana road, then its the cat's meow. Forget all the JD Power and Associates bollocks. When I was back in Guyana, my father had this big lumbering Vauxhall car. Tough as bloody nails, since it survived the potholes of Linden and yet was able to travel 65km down Soesdyke into Georgetown without a hitch. Now that was a car, or maybe we had great mechanics. I'm betting on the latter. :)

Alice said...

I grew up in Nassau and potholes saved me from getting mugged one night - got followed driving home at 1am, and when I realized what was going on I hit the gas - I knew where all the potholes were and the teef didn't, so he got left behind. I found out the next week he'd held up my across-the-street neighbor the night before he followed me - and my next-door neighbor the night after!

My mother still won't drive into a mud puddle. Neither will I. You never know how far down they go...

Guyana-Gyal said...

Lukku Cairi, welcome...the Bahamas! Wow. I never woulda thunk it. Potholes AND bandits! And deathly mud puddles! They said it's better in the Bahamas :-)

Larry, it's the mechanics!

Trundling Grunt said...

dynamite post. Have you got your car yet?

Guyana-Gyal said...

Hi Mr. Grunt, welcome and thanks. No, not one word from them car manufacturers. You think they're ignoring me because they know their cars can't stand up to these roads? :-D