Thursday, June 23, 2005

Going postal.

A gyal-pal just been here to visit, and she stewing ‘til she burning up.

She eyes them dark and hot with vex. She lips them curl up with rage, and she pale skin red, red like tomato paste.

"Is what happen to you?" I ask.

She give me one blazing look. "I goin’ postal," she say.

"What happen?"

"Y'know...I gon donate a frightening, screaming jumbie to we post office staff and put a big sign on it saying, Lose This."

"A jumbie? Ghost? You can't do that, you can go to jail. What happen?"

"Well! I gon give them one bucket full o' farts and put a big sign on it saying, Lose This."

"I think that gon send you to jail too. What happen?"

"Well! I gon get a elephant from Africa or India, a real, live elephant with real, live diarrhea, and give it to them with a big sign on it saying Lose This."

"Wha’ happin?!?"

"What happen, what happen? I gon tell you what happen.

The post office lose me package, that is what happen.

One big, brown, obvious-noticeable envelope. How they can lose that I don't know.

I want to ask you a astronomical favour.

Put it on your blog for me, nah? Ask people to ask people who they know, who working in all them post offices all over the world...especially in Trinidad and Barbados and Florida...ask them to look for a big, brown envelope for me, from Greater Georgetown, Guyana, to Miramar, Florida, registered receipt number 147771.

Ask anybody who know anybody who does work on whichever airline that does deliver mail from here to Florida, and all them people working in airports, Timehri, Piarco, Grantley Adams, Miami International, ask them to look for it for me, nah?

It ain't have no value to anybody but me, is written material. Writing. Words. They can't even steal it 'cause I copyright the original and send it to me, and it lock up in a box in the bank with dates and stamps on it and so on."

Me friend start to blaze so much that thick, white steam puff out from she ears.

Poor thing, I know how she feel, is the same way I would feel, I know how she suffering with she precious material missing, precious words she went into long, painful labour for; words that she nurture, stroke, cuddle, sing to sleep, and feed when they wake up again.

I give she some water on the rocks. She drink and drink and drink and sigh.

Then she look at me and ask, a li'l calm now, "Gyal, what going postal mean?"

And I, with me wicked self, couldn't resist.

"I think is when you post youself to the post office with a big sign on you that say Lose This."


DCveR said...

Postal services are the same everywhere.
You know those stamps they put on mail when it leaves the station, marking the date, station city and number?
Well, usually an exam of those marks shows where the letter has been and when. I got letters that have been travelling to and fro, sometimes with two or three stamps from the same station in different dates, although the address was well written and the cities where nowhere in between the origin and the destination.

Dan Flynn said...

I once had a suitcase that should have followed me off a plane in Cyprus but instead went on to Singapore and other fantastic destinations before it came back. My luggage was better travelled than me, how annoying is that! It became so big headed I had to get rid, began to sneer about my clothes,'You're not putting those trousers in here. And those shoes, they are so last year.' I returned to the UK, sent the suitcase to Pretoria, haven't seen it since. By the way it's green and rude, and if you come across it, you've never heard of me.

ps, I'll keep an eye out for your friend's parcel in case it passes through Manchester.

Anonymous said...

In this hi-tech age we live in they still lose the mail...I work in one section and I receive mail thats two cities away...lucky for those folks I think of how important it must be for them and I put it back into the mail...

As for your pal, I will put up a few flyers around where I live...asking for the envelope...cause the mail was meant to come to me firt...I will put up flyers and see what results I get...

Anonymous said...

er..come to me first...ahem!!

kungfu mama said...

nah tek worry chile, tell yuh fren we gon hep she, ahbedese gon luuk fah am...

er, garfield the cat like to mail odie the dog to abu-dabi

girl friend of gyal said...

thank you everyone for cheering me, i have not laughed since my parcel went missing, and now i am laughing out loud.

now you've all given me a great idea...i really can post myself and travel free, like dan flynn's suitcase.

oh, and thank you gyal, for actually writing about my sad plight.


sister in writing.

Anonymous said...

Well, What can I say. Just good luck and I hope you are foing to find your post soon.

Paulo from RondonĂ³polis-Brazil

Dan Flynn said...

Girlfriend of Gyal, a mate has just blogged me from Rio, went out for a drink in a sleazy downtown bar and saw a green suitcase and brown envelope drinking tequila. They were really loud and rude, about to be asked to leave. Locals are convinced they're Russian. Sounds like our fugitives. Hmmmm

Guyana-Gyal said...

Girl friend, you're LAUGHING? Well, that is good.

But me? I am fretting. I'm sending off MY manuscript next week...and now I hear that it will end up in Cyprus, and then go back and forth between how many towns in Portugal?

Ay yai yai.

I most certainly don't want my work to be seen with those two, that rude green suitcase, or that now notorious brown package, drinking tequila and being obnoxious!

Oh...Paulo, before I forget...send a letter explaining your studies, and what you'd like to know, to the lecturer [the one you were told about, I don't remember his name this very moment], The Faculty of Arts, University of Guyana, Turkeyen Campus, East Coast Demerara, Guyana, South America.

And PRAY THAT IT WILL GET THERE, my amigo, pray.

This evening I will phone a lecturer I know at his home too.

analis.M said...

De package hear that Florida is the state for retirees and decide to hop off in package was heard to have said "de weed mo cheap dere dan in de states"

The words didn't agree and dem jump off de papah and try to go "backtrack" (since dem don’t got visa, dem got to go backtrack) to try to make it to Miramar where dem hope to jump onto clean 'merican papah but last ting me hear was day all de word dem get haul off in a big truck dat was last seen in Mexico. Me hear de truck trying to mek it over the border.

Ting is I ent know wah happen to de package itself...the brown papah wrapping and the sheets that de one time had nuff words get loss in Jamaica. Maybe somebody rip dem up fuh roll some weed in and smoke it.

The words will make it to Florida just fine though….me feel so.

Nah worry fren of Guyana-Gyal…nuff people got dem eye peel fuh you work!

Anoop said...

Its such a terrible feeling when a mail is lost or misplaced even before it has been delivered.

Thankfully in India Postal services and Railways have improved tremendously.

kungfu mama said...

mah stiiil luuk fah heye ah peal ya...mah gon fine am..

Guyana-Gyal said...

Just pray that MY manuscript next week doesn't get lost.

Anoop, in that book, A Suitable Boy, Mrs. Mehra had mangoes sent to her via the mail. I was amazed!

Analis.M, girl friend's package might be a world wide phenomenon at the rate it is going.

DCveR said...

That package already is a worldwide phenomenon: I bet that in a couple of days there will be more persons looking for it than postmen in Guyana!

Mariseo said...

Lovely lovely blog. As a writer and journalist in Ireland, I'm fascinated with your use of the 'English' language. It's musical, raw, whimsical and beautiful.

I'm going to link you to mine, if that's OK.


Guyana-Gyal said...

Dcver, I am going to post MY manuscript with FedEx next week. I ain't trusting no postal service with my precious baby. Look at what's happening to gyal- friend's big brown evelope!

Hello Brian, welcome. I am so happy you like my blog.

I actually write [most of the blog] in Creolese, the unofficial language of Guyana, English being the official.

Creolese is English-based, with many African / East Indian, and now I'm hearing, Amerindian words too. It has a grammar all of it's own, and can be quite difficult to understand in it's more 'raw' form. If you look at Kung Fu mama's comments, and some of Analis.M's too, you can see this.

Oh, link, link, feel free to link. I'll check out your blog this weekend.

I shamelessly admit that I don't know how to link others. I click on people's names when they leave comments, and hope that others reading will do that too when they see a comment they like.

I also have my favourite links all saved up in the address bar at the top.

Anonymous said...

Hello GG!!! That is me again. And you giving information on the English-based Creole of Guyana. I was thinking if I could have your webblog for my MA Creolese Research Project. So, how was your day today. Were you able to contact the Creolese specialist from the University of Guyana

kungfu-mama said...

eh-eh gyal, meh hear how yuh fren fine bak ah glad fee am

Anonymous said...

GG , there's a get rich quick scheme for you. Bottled screaming jumbie, canned extract of farts, and big huge packages of elephant diarhoea.
I'd be your first buyer. and KF Mama can be second and give them as present to mom-in-law.
It's 3am and my brain is fried.
Seattle cuz.

Camille said...

Gal...yuh think de parcel been detained for questioning under de terrorism inna brown paper??

Post office people is all de same all over de world. Hear dis...Me modda, 72 years old was waiting for her registered slip usually come via de postoffice. She never see it de Monday so so fly do dung a de post office and ask dem fe de envelop. Dem CLAIM dem don't receive any pension and dem can't write a duplicate registered slip till SEVEN DAYS after de first one was written. De followign day de slip appear like magic and it was actually delivered to a neighbour's post box BY DE POST MAN in error. I want to go postal...but I too far in foreign to deal with them...thanks to nobody she get har money...People is just people. You think dem hire generic types to work in post offices??