Thursday, June 09, 2005

Fun and Games For The Kids.

Good news, good news!

Fun and Games Plan in this rain forest country getting hot, hot, hot like camoudie snake on a bar-b-que spit. It sizzling, man, sizzling.

If you see emails I get from all over, people from Germany, Switzerland, America, England, countries what names I can’t spell or pronounce, all body want to take part in this tour for masochists. And from Guyanese too, Guyanese what living Abroad and ain’t been back here since the ancient silk cotton tree in the middle of the road to Mahaica fall down, and grow up again, and get old again.

Even aged grandmas who walking with they back bend like Capital ‘C’ from too much cold weather, they too want to jump in. The only problem is, these grandmas refusing to be masochists. They want to be Doms. Dom Grandmas…no, not Dumb Grandmas…Dom…as in Dom.

They want to be Whip Crackin’ Granmas, lashin’ and whippin’ we Dom [as in Dumb] Mini-Bus Drivers and Dom [as in Dumb] Young Men driving fancy cars.

[Got to think ‘bout it. I just might let them grandmas do it for free.]

In the meantime I come up with Something Special for the kiddies. Can’t leave the kiddies out, CAN’T leave the kiddies OUT.

And so I offer the Vampire Slaying Deal.

While masochist parents gone out for the night to get soundly trashed on the road, for a extra half price they can leave they kiddies safely with a child minder in a well-lit room and hundreds o’ Blood Sucking Mosquitoes!!! Just like what they offer in them tourist hotels in the Caribbean…parents can have Fun Times without the bother of kiddies.

The game? Them kiddies can catch and kill as much mosquitoes as they want to. Each kiddie gon get a glass bottle to keep they dead mosquitoes as souvenirs.

[Sorry, yes…glass bottles not plastic. We here very particular about we landscape, we like to see we plastic bottles lurking in we canals, and plastic bags sproinging in we grass parapets like big, flooby flowers. Sometimes we does like to watch them bags floating in the sky like big, flooby birds].

This Vampire Slaying Game for the Kiddies got so much benefits, is well worth the li’l extra money.

Y’know how parents Abroad does worry that tv taking up too much o’ they kiddies’ time? Well, this here game is purely Non-TV. Is a Educational Experience Incorporated With Play. Along with the fantabulous new knowledge that your kiddie gain ‘bout Dracula’s Children, your li’l couch potato gon get Exercise, jumpin’ up and down, ketching them Dark Things on Wings.

[Heh...sound like something on tv, eh? Dark Things on Wings].

Your li’l boogers gon develop Hand-Eye Co-Ordination...See, See, See. See them Dark Things on Wings, Catch them in Mid-Flight.

But hear the best part!

When your kiddie go back home Abroad, he or she gon be taking back a myth-breaking icon. Folks Abroad does doubt that vampires still exist. They think is some creature that used to flit around in the head of a man what name Bram Stoker.

Well, when people Abroad see them Dark Things on Wings like what we have here, all doubts gon fly out from they own grey matter.

And your kiddie gon be a Cebrelity.

Yes, yes, a Cebrelity.

Your kiddie gon be on TV, in the Newspapers, the Media gon pay the kiddie for he or she Story, pay your kiddie to share News-Breaking News of how Dracula descendants living in rain forest country, and how they got different kind o’ powers now, they spread malaria, dengue and so on now instead of doing the decent thing like what they used to do, turning people into vampires.

What more a M. parent can want?

Cebrelity Kids! All because of a li'l jaunt in rain forest country.


14 comments:

Anoop said...

One word.

BRILLIANT.

Twine said...

Hehe...can feel Sadistic Mum coming out-if dem pickney behave bad I can threaten to send dem to Guyana to de Mosquito Camp...

By the way,Dan's robots seem to be mutating alarmingly. Saw on the news this morning that Cambridge will be getting interactive rubbish bins, that sing & dance when the sun comes out...honest, crossmyheart. Wonder what's next...public loos that make comments when you sit on them?

Twine xo

kungfu mama said...

hey, I heard bout a public loo made from glass..apparently, you can see all that is going on outside, but they cant see you doing your biz...hahaha

i remember killing an lining up the quitoes and watch ants kerry dem way...me bet that is part of camp too..hahaha

Guyana-Gyal said...

Glad you enjoyed, Anoop. Hope you laughed out loud :-D

I was poking fun at all the cliches in tourism, the media, the educational-but-fun thing, and at the garbage situation here too.

Twine, you wicked mamma you, hahaha...imagine threatening your kiddies like that hahaha...

Singing bins? Interactive? I wonder if they waltz together. What song would it be?

Kung Fu mama, a public toilet with one way glass? I want it, I want it.

On another blog, Zoe's blog, "My boyfriend is a twat", she had a pic. of a toilet made of see-through plastic with bits and pieces of barb wire in it.

I still can't get over it. Singing bins. Dancing and singing bins. What songs, what songs...?

analis.M said...

I remember my cousin and me killing mosquitoes and putting them into a little heap. Sometimes we would race to see whose heap would get bigger quicket. I used to love to watch the heap get bigger and bigger ...sometimes we would leave the heap and come back to it the next night, and add to it.

I think that Guyana- Gyal should see a lawyer to get dis camp Incorporated. I know a good lawyer...let me know :)

Guyana-Gyal said...

Lawyer?!? Lawyer??? Who's planning to sue me? The masochists? Mosquitoes? Dom drivers?

Anonymous said...

Guyana, the land for Indiana Jones!

Obviously, Indiana Jones had never met Guyana Gyal.

kind regards from your ever-swatting
Kanga Roo

Guyana-Gyal said...

Do you think I. Jones would survive this place? We can take him to THAT village...the bandits hideout...see how tough he is then.

Anonymous said...

Dear Reader,
In fairness, as blood is thicker than water this reply is required.
If we are further provoked we cannot rule our taking industrial action.
We believe 'the right to bite is ummutable'.
Affiliates of Mosquitoes International remain firm in their solidarity.
Our chant on the swarm lines is 'the mosquitoes, united, will never be defeated'!
Sent with the ravenous appetite of our sisterhood from your ever-buzzing bretheren downunder.
Yours Surreptitiously,
Ozzie the Mozzie

PS To all humans;
We are organised and thirsty, so you can swat 'til you drop!

Guyana-Gyal said...

The right to bite?

Cannot rule out Industrial Action?

Industrial Action this: I just swatted one of you, splat. And it felt GOOD.

There will be no negotiations, no talks.

Let the game begin.

Signed,
Management
Vampire Slaying Deal.

[mutter mutter...unions...gahhhh!]

Anonymous said...

Pah...courage in the masses. I issue a dare for Ozzie to step forward alone...I'm here waiting with my can of Raid.

Guyana-Gyal said...

I posted Ozzie's dreadful threat. Let's see if Ozzie the mozzie can take the heat. Or Raid. Ha.

I just swatted another one.
Splut.
It felt GOOD.

kungfu mama said...

ooohhh..you nevah see masquita till you go Novar..oh me lawd oh gawd oh...dem liff you whole body an ker u way,,,,

Guyana-Gyal said...

Yes, Kungfu mama, Novar is the place for mozzies...the last time I passed through there, I saw a man who looked like he was levitating. But when I looked carefully, I saw it was mosquitoes carrying him off. As we passed in the car, I heard his voice in the wind, crying, help hellllllp...